How almost 20 years of alcohol abuse turned a vet into a total newbie

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Areximacha

Areximacha

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Hi all,

I started on Ephinea a few days ago on a nostalgic whim and really got back into when I spent an entire hungover day just playing non stop. Since then I've spent most of my time asking stupid questions on Discord and surprisingly receiving incredibly helpful answers!
I played a lot in my teens on the DC almost 2 decades ago, back in the days of a 56k modem plugged into the back of my DreamCast and spending all night playing with my buddy over the phone (we didn't have any chat programs back then!). I find myself remembering very little about the game, so any and all help is vastly appreciated. I'm mostly on a quest to recreate my old character, who I was very fond of!

よろしく！
 
Areximacha said:
Hi all,

I started on Ephinea a few days ago on a nostalgic whim and really got back into when I spent an entire hungover day just playing non stop. Since then I've spent most of my time asking stupid questions on Discord and surprisingly receiving incredibly helpful answers!
I played a lot in my teens on the DC almost 2 decades ago, back in the days of a 56k modem plugged into the back of my DreamCast and spending all night playing with my buddy over the phone (we didn't have any chat programs back then!). I find myself remembering very little about the game, so any and all help is vastly appreciated. I'm mostly on a quest to recreate my old character, who I was very fond of!

よろしく！
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EEEeeeeee! *POUNCES and looks over Arexi-san carefully!* Yet Another Old Guard Dreamcaster has fallen victim to the Topless Sirens song of 'Nostalgia' and has washed up upon our little tribes shore! That 56K modem was the shiznit back in the day! Mew STILL has hers, lol! Ask ALL the questions you want dear! You're pretty likely to come across a few people who can halp you get to where you remember being waaaaay back then~! Most likely 'Beyond that too! =3. A LOT has changed, but on the surface it Looks All the same as you left it on Dreamcast! Very Happy you Seem to already Like it here too~! Looking forward to pouncing and playing wiff you! Welcome Home! =3
 
Hello there. I typically don't post much, but I thought I would say hello (though I pretty much already said hello to start didn't I?:p). I too used to play on the DC with that fantastic (well, not really fantastic lol) 56K modem. I'm not very social, and struggle with talking to people, but I do like to try helping others so if there's anything simple you think I could help with I certainly don't mind trying. I can't help you with some of the more complicated things since I consider myself pretty average, but like I said I can try. Also, I hope you got over your alcohol abuse. Substances can really hurt us, I should know, I pretty much abused marijuana for about 10 to 15 years and it just took a lot away from me.
 
Hi,

Wonder how does that fit together, realizing some behavior is abuse and despite that still continuing?
So every help is a waste because you're going to forget again, mh?
Good luck on ephinea....
 
お早うございます!

Well, my dad was a drunk too, ya know. I grew up rescuing him from bars with my mom. But without him, we would have never made it as far as we did. Hell, I'd probably have died back in 2000 before I really got invested in PSO, back in the sega days. I was in London at a hotel called the Chelsea Millennium or something to that effect. My dad got wasted at a pub we went to eat at and tried to kill my mom. I managed to get my 280 pound dad off my 150 pound mother. I remember how I had gotten security shortly after. He promised to put down the bottle but the emotional scarring still remains.

When I was little he would try to smother me, he told me I was a bad kid and repeatedly got into fights with my brother and mother, but I couldn't give up on him because in my heart I knew he was a good person when he wasn't drunk. About the time I turned 23 my mother asked my brother and I for permission to divorce him. We really hurt my mom telling her she waited too long. After years of him trying to kill himself and blaming us for it, we finally mustered the courage to tell him to leave after he and I had a knock down drag out fight. I was bleeding in several places and I could barely breathe. I managed to run to my neighbors and have her call the police. I refused the ambulance because I couldn't handle burdening my mother with more debt.

My dad agreed to the divorce and vanished from our lives for some time. When I turned 28 I got kicked out of my house. I slept in my car and in low end hotels when I could afford to. I found a way to contact him and I drove 9 hours from Chicago to Pittsburgh because having a home with an abusive parent was better than dying on the street. But I quickly found out that there were guns all over the house. My dad is bipolar and self medicated with drugs and alcohol. I left because it was unsafe. I tried to go home but never felt welcome. I was told I was a horrible person and was emotionally beaten down for being a transwoman. A few months later I moved out and spent a year with someone who I thought I could trust. When our lease ended they severed contact and I moved to Texas. Three months in I tried to off myself and lost my home over it.

I now live in Iowa, near Dubuque with one of my partners. I find myself trying different kinds of alcohol, which is something I swore I would never touch. So far I haven't had more than a serving or two at any given time but I feel myself starting to follow my father's footsteps. I don't remember any of it, but my partner said I choked her last night. This is upsetting at best and I might end up leaving her in the middle of the night because I can't tell her I've completely lost my mind. I love her and I'm scared. I really don't wan't to hurt her and I'm tired of running away from my problems. I can't separate fact from fiction sometimes.

I'm starting to believe I can fly.

As long as we have hope, there's a future for us, right?
 
Addiction is very bad. I always look to God to avoid being addicted by anything now. I used to have an addictive personality. Before it was games, then it was alcohol, and then it was weed. I never got into any hard drugs though, and I'm very glad because I think I would have become a complete wreck.

Whenever I feel like I am starting to get addicted to something, or have a craving, I say a prayer to God. If I ever do cave into my cravings, I go to confession and confess my sins. The key to avoid addictions is to understand yourself, understand your limits and to have faith in God.
 
Yeahhh, get all that nonsense out of here and just welcome the person. All of you. Yikes.

Welcome @Areximacha. You should join the Discord, the forums are much more... "Intense"... as you can see.
 
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